Chapter 78 - My heart says I must be with you
Zhang Xiaofan was raised before Ding Qi took place as the emperor, and the social rules were much more strict.
Even after Ding Qi come into power, his behavior was still very similar to the previous emperors, and he acted recklessly for a long time. Nothing changed until recently when he finally accepted some new ideas from other empires, including Feng Long's "beauty of governance" role model, which was gradually implemented.
Feng Long's ruling model brought many opportunities for commoners to have some social mobility, the economy was diversified and it grew much faster. The board of counselors always opposed the model as it removed some privileges from the nobility as was seen as a threat to their mostly religious, conservative approach.
Zhang Xiaofan always had a foot in medicine and was fascinated by the field since his early childhood. He really loved the empire, as he was thought in school, and thought the best way to serve it was to keep people healthy. He passed an exam to work in the city's hospital, gradually getting more experience and being promoted to even higher positions. As he gradually got more spare time, he also started to do his own research, initially just for fun, but then he realized his ability to work with compounds would be of great value for the empire and to improve the lives of everyone living there.
Due to some missteps during Ding Qi's early years of rule, he was not happy with the emperor's work. Working in the hospital, he witnessed the cruel reality of having leaders that were blind to the common people. Initially, he blamed Ding Qi, but later noticed that the emperor was actually trying to do the right thing, but was frequently being blocked by the board of counselors, and given his young age, he was inclined to think the board was always right.
Then, the epidemic come, and he ended up not only getting to know Ding Qi but also being promoted as the empire's health minister, a position he would never think he could reach. Having previous experience, he advised Ding Qi wisely, and the outcome of the epidemic was one of the best among all the empires, especially considering the heavy traffic of infected people coming day and night from Anhui.
Despite the synergy between the two, now even more apparent, Zhang Xiaofan is still confused, he simply cannot conceive of being good enough for the emperor. He still thinking about his low social status, and how it is traditionally kept for many years, even after someone joins the nobility. But he also knows Ding Qi thinks differently and does not care so much about social status, as he said when he promoted him to a health minister position.
Zhang Xiaofan walks to the courtyard behind the palace and sits down:
-I understand Ding Qi likes me... But I am clearly not good enough for him... He will overcompensate all the time... I may not even reach his expectations...
Although trying to avoid it, Zhang Xiaofan curls up and cry. He thinks he was not prepared to engage in a relationship with Ding Qi and was worried to hurt his heart instead of taking good care of it.
A few moments later, Ding Qi passes by in a window. Seeing Zhang Xiaofan devastated, he runs to him:
-Zhang Xiaofan, Xiaofan!!!
Ding Qi quickly arrives and gently touches him:
-Xiaofan, Xiaofan!!! Why are you crying? Please, tell me...
Zhang Xiaofan eye's keep watering, he then hugs Ding Qi tightly:
-Ding Qi... We... we cannot... we cannot have true love...
Ding Qi smiles, and caresses him:
-What? Why not? I like you!
-Ding Qi... you may never understand... I'm not... I'm simply not good enough...
Zhang Xiaofan cries more and tightens the hug. Ding Qi caresses him very gently, saying quietly at his left ear:
-Xiaofan... Please, there's not such a thing... As I said to you, I don't care about your social status and what you do... I just happen to love you... No one can say why, my heart says I must be with you...
Ding Qi and Zhang Xiaofan look face to face. Seeing his friend's face completely depressed, his eyes water:
-Ding Qi... I was raised being taught it cannot be accepted... It cannot be done...
-Forget the past, Zhang Xiaofan... Everything you were taught about it... is wrong...
Zhang Xiaofan screams and moves away from Ding Qi. Ding Qi feels his heart being punctured:
-Xiaofan... Xiaofan, don't let me alone!!!
Zhang Xiofan runs away, but Ding Qi manages to grab him from behind. His head is in total despair, as well as Ding Qi's. He pushes Zhang Xiaofan against the wall, and stares at him:
-Xiaofan, please... My heart hurts... I know you love me... Don't let these archaic concepts hide it from me...
-Ding Qi... Please, I ask for mercy...
-No! You are my love, Zhang Xiaofan, you are!!!
Ding Qi cries and kisses Zhang Xiaofan deeply, while also hugging him tightly. Over time, the stress on both is gradually relieved, and they kiss reciprocally. Ding Qi slowly opens his eyes and caresses Zhang Xiaofan's face. He still crying, as the emotional burden was very intense, and getting rid of his impression of inferiority will take some time.
When Zhang Xiaofan seems a bit calmer, Ding Qi takes one of his hands, kissing it:
-Please, Zhang Xiaofan... Never ever think you are somehow inferior to anyone... You are so beautiful... So responsive... And you love our empire so much... Why wouldn't you be a good fit for me, hmm? - Ding Qi smiles.
-Your Majesty... Yu Lexuan is so much better than me...
-But he lives in another empire, it is far away... You are not that far from him, trust me...
-I still think I'm not a perfect fit...
Ding Qi smiles, and takes Zhang Xiaofan in his arms, kissing him and smiling:
-What can I do to prove I really love you? Come on, I'd spent my week kissing you if I could!
Zhang Xiaofan improves his mood, and smiles back:
-Your Majesty... Your love is such a new thing in my life... I just need some time to get used to it...
-You will have it... But do not forget how much I love you, Zhang Xiaofan.
They kiss again. Ding Qi allows him to stand:
-Let's try to resume our activities again... And think about today... Stop thinking you are somehow inferior. You are so talented and good-looking...
-As your majesty wishes...
Ding Qi hugs and kisses Zhang Xiaofan quickly, then walks away. Zhang Xiaofan ponders:
-Ding Qi really loves me... I think this is something set for life... I should not break his heart...
...
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